Have Gun, Will Travel

Downton is back! And while it's early days, I'm hopeful that this season will be *slightly* less ridiculous than the last, which was so syrupy and saturated with hysterics, I could barely handle it (like many, I did my best to embrace the trashy qualities and implausibilities (Matthew's miracle recovery! The heir who had no face!) and roll with it. Excellent tumblr comic material just waiting to happen there.).

As the Crawleys convene for the much-anticipated Matthew-Mary nuptials, the usual snobbery and amazing outfittery commence as expected. And, discounting an unfortunate scene where poor Branson gets roofied by a snarky former suitor of Sybil's, we're off to a roaring good start:

1. MATTHEW CRAWLEY LEARNED HOW TO FLIRT

I can't decide if this is exciting or disturbing.

2. WHY IS THE DOWAGER COUNTESS' SCRIPTWRITER GIVING ALL HER LINES TO CARSON

Before you know it, we're going to have a Carson paper doll with his many priceless faces of disbelief and distaste to rotate at will, including why-can't-the-damn-chauffeur-dress-himself?, and the irreplaceable here-is-your-napkin-you-bumpkin! complete with disdainful wrist action.

3. BEST PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY/NATIONAL STEREOTYPE

"Don't worry about me; I'm an American. Have gun, will travel."

I love how pragmatic Cora is when she learns her husband's crap investment just ruined the family estate. Why didn't Robert ask for investment advice from his wife, who clearly has a grasp of, oh, I dunno, not putting all your eggs in one basket? Oh, right. Dumb women!

4. COCKTAILZZZ

5. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP EDITH

Maybe I should give Edith a break. She was unforgivably bitchy in Season One, but now she acts so downright desperate, I feel bad for her. It's easy to start believing you are who others want you to be. Come on, writers! Let's flesh out her character a little, shall we?

6. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP SYBIL

Just because you're poor and pregnant doesn't mean you have to dress like a bag lady. Well, maybe it does.

7. INTRODUCING...

Shirley McClaine as Cora's fast-talking, judgmental mother. LOVE IT. Mrs. Levinson's going to give Violet a run for her money.

8. STOP SOLVING ALL OF THE PROBLEMS BEFORE THEY BECOME PROBLEMS

We are out of money! Wait! Matthew might inherit a mountain of money! HOW CONVENIENT. Introduce insufferable Matthew-type moral quandary here.

9. BRANSON IN TAILS

Why are the clothes of the oppressor so hot?

10. HOW WILL THEY KNOW IF THEY GET THE RIGHT HAT BACK?

Is what I was thinking when Matthew and Branson tossed their top hats to an underling upon entering the church. 

And I guess the wedding was beautiful, etc. Now for what happens *after*!